Author: admin (Page 3 of 3)

Artist: Regina Spektor

Released: 2009

Lyrical relic:  Blockbuster card

Remember the blue and yellow Blockbuster Card? I used to pretend mine wasn’t just a video rental store membership, but rather my access to some clandestine Swedish club (pronounced blook-booster).

In Regina’s song, Blockbuster is more than just a video store. It’s the agent for reuniting a man with his wallet. When Regina finds a stranger’s wallet containing a Blockbuster card, she decides to be a good Samaritan and bring the wallet to her local Blockbuster. 

They'll find your number
In their computer
You'll never know me
I'll never know you
But you'll be so happy
When they call you up

This song was released in 2009. One year later, Blockbuster would file for bankruptcy. At the height of its popularity, Blockbuster boasted more than 9000 stores.  Poor leadership and the impact of the Great Recession have been cited as the major factors leading to Blockbuster going bust. Movie watchers also began to have more options: Netflix had come out with its mail-order service, video on demand  became a thing, and Redbox offered automated movie rental kiosks .

With this tough new competition, people would soon realize that they could take a lazier route to home entertainment.  Consider all the steps involved  to “make it a Blockbuster night”:

1. Getting yourself to the store
2. Browsing the selections 
3. Making a decision (usually more difficult and time consuming if you’re with someone else!) 
4. Waiting your turn in line to pay
5. Paying for your selection
6. Getting yourself home
7. Loading the tape/disc into your machine
8. Making a commitment to watching this particular movie in its entirity (because you’d be damned if you threw out money on a movie even if turns out to be a dud).
9. Get yourself back to the store to return the rental. And you better get it back on time, or you’ll get slapped with a late fee!

Fast forward to the home entertainment scene of today (i.e. streaming services). Other than step 2 or 3, all those steps are virtually eliminated. Your butt can remain firmly planted on the sofa after making a decision to watch a movie. A few clicks later and voila – there’s our movie. If we don’t like it, a few more guiltless clicks will find you something else to watch. 

Some people may argue that in eliminating all those steps, you’re also eliminating a lot of fun. The kind of fun that was akin to what people loved about going to record stores to get their music. It was an experience, an outing to be had. The possibility of discovering something new and different was always there.  

If you’re really itching for some Blockbuster cards, head to eBay. Last time I checked you could buy 2000 new, unused cards for $1000 USD. Unless you are opening up an imaginary Blockbuster, not sure what use anyone would have for these.

It’s also still possible to get a real working Blockbuster card for free. There’s one remaining store using the brand, located in Bend, Oregon. The store is the subject of a  2020 documentary, aptly titled “The Last Blockbuster”.  And yes, it’s on Netflix  : ) 

Artist: MC Hammer

Released: 1990

Lyrical relic: The Cosby Show

Have you seen her?,
(tell me have you seen her?)
I'm a keep looking,
At the movies, in my car, on my stero,

At a game of Different World or the Cosby Show,
(have you seen her?)
Have you seen her?,
(tell me have you seen her?)

Don’t let the ridiculous parachute pants fool you: MC Hammer had a serious, romantic side, as evidenced by this sentimental slow jam.  

This half-sung, half-rapped remake of the Chi-lites hit is chock full of lyrical relics, including the cassette tape and references to fellow rapper colleagues of the day like his homey Rob Base. 

Among these goodies, I’ve selected a lyrical relic that spotlights one of  the most popular TV shows of all time:  The Cosby Show.  Airing from 1984 to 1992, it was the number-one rated show on television for five consecutive seasons. The now-disgraced Bill Cosby, convicted of sexual assault in 2018, was once America’s most beloved TV dad, Cliff Huxtable. Donned in a new colorful sweater every week, he doled out sensible wisdom to his four children and other impressionable kids like me out in TV land. His eldest child, Denise, headed off to Hillman College in 1987 for the spinoff series A Different World, also referenced by MC Hammer. 

This song peaked at No. 4 on the US Billboard Hot 100, just one step behind the Chi-Lites, who scored 3rd position on the chart in 1971 . 

Artist:  Melanie

Released: 1971

Lyrical relic: Roller skate key

Well, I've got a brand-new pair of roller skates
You've got a brand-new key
I think that we should get together
And try them on to see

Strap your feet into a pair of metal cages on wheels and let’s roll right on back to those freewheeling 70s.      

They may have appeared to be some kind of medieval foot torture device, but this is what roller skates were like for many kids like myself in the 70s and 80s.

The roller skate key was essentially a small wrench that was used to adjust the skates so they would fit snugly over your shoes. If you lost that key, the skates were useless, so it was common for kids to wear the key strung around a cord on their neck. 

On Christmas Day 1971, Brand New Key peaked at #1 spot on the US Charts and stayed there for three weeks. 

This fun, lighthearted song was a departure from the folky, more political music that Melanie had been known for.  However, there were some who didn’t think it was entirely innocent. The song was banned by some radio stations due to possible sexual innuendo (i.e., the key-going-into-a-key-hole thing). Melanie has denied there being any salacious connotations in the song. 

Sources

Melanie Q &A, InFocusVisions Music & Arts Magazine

Artist: Jimmy Buffett

Year: 1988

Lyrical relic: Fotomat

In our lackadaisical digital age of instant everything, it’s always fun to look back at what used to pass as a major “convenience.”  

When Jimmy Buffet’s “Baby” went shopping in 1988, the Fotomat was a stop on her busy day out.

Baby's gone shoppin' she's lookin' around
She's checkin' out the boys and the clothes about town
Pick up this drop off that
Stares at her pictures from the Fotomat
Oh she likes what she sees
But she's afraid of what she needs

Fotomat was a retail chain that operated drive-thru kiosks which offered overnight photo development. The first kiosk opened in California  in 1965. By 1980, there were more than 4,000 kiosks in mall parking lots throughout the United States. They resembled Tikki huts (seemingly on brand with Jimmy Buffett), just big enough for a staff of one.

Before Fotomat, you would likely have waited up to a week (*GASP*) to get your snapshots developed because the only other options around were drugstores or professional photo shops. 

However, by the mid-1980s, mini photo labs came on to the scene, many in shopping centres. They offered lightening speed, 1-hour photo development. It was the beginning of the end for Fotomats.  Baby could now go shopping AND get her photos developed at the same time!

Attempting to join the digital age, the last incarnation of the Fotomat brand headed online in 2007, as image processing software, and survived for two years.  Fotomat continues to have an online presence today, living on at nostalgic sites like fotomatfans.com

Since their demise, some of the Fotomat locations have been repurposed over the years, many as drive-through cafes. Getting your coffee without having to leave car: now that’s what I call convenience!

Sources:

“Fotomat.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 26 Nov. 2022, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fotomat.

“The rise and fall of Fotomat islands.” PressReader.com – Digital Newspaper & Magazine Subscriptions, http://www.pressreader.com/canada/toronto-star/20141103/281809987173975.

If this song were released today, a more accurate retitling would be appropriate: If I had a million dollars, I’d be financially comfortable.

Americans were recently surveyed to see what it takes to be “wealthy” and feel “financially comfortable” in 2022.   According to the survey, the average net worth it takes to be “wealthy” is $2.2 million. The Ladies’ million bucks would only place them in the “financially comfortable” bracket (a mere $774,000 will get you that designation).

Sadly, inflation has eroded the value of the elusive million dollars the Ladies dreamed about in 1988. In Canada, where the Ladies are from, the total inflation rate over the past 34 years is a whopping 113%. So, in order to “adjust” for inflation, the Ladies would need very close to that $2.2 million to have the  buying power equivalence of $1,000,000 and in turn be considered “wealthy/rich.”

In any case, you needn’t worry about the Ladies. Both frontman Ed Robinson and ex-frontman Steven Page and are allegedly each worth a cool $8 million. Safe to say they are still eating their Kraft Dinner with the fanciest of ketchups.

As for that K-car, the nice Reliant automobile that the Ladies dreamed of buying with their fortune, they’d be hard-pressed to find one for sale today. Sadly, the Plymouth Reliant was discontinued the year this song was released.

Sources:

aboutschwab.com/modern-wealth-survey-2022

officialdata.org

celebritynetworth.com

“Remembering the K-Car: Chrysler’s Savior Gets No Respect.” Car and Driver, Car and Driver, 15 Nov. 2020 .

Artist: Rosemary Clooney and Jose Ferrer

Released: 1954

Lyrical relic: LIFE Magazine

LIFE lost its life three times. LIFE magazine was once one of the most popular general interest magazines in America. It was known for its striking photographs and lauded for pioneering the field of photojournalism. First published in 1936, it remained a weekly publication until 1972. With the rise in popularity of television, its advertising sales and audience had begun to dwindle. However, it was resuscitated for several special issues in the 70s. In 1978, it became a monthly publication, although on a reduced scale. The plug was pulled out for good in 2000.  Well…not really! It was revived yet again in 2004, this time as a free weekly supplement to U.S. newspapers, and was kept alive until 2007.

In A Bunch of Bananas (The Heming Way), we are transported to Africa for a LIFE Magazine photoshoot. With its racist stereotype of the African cannibal, this song would make anyone cringe today.

On Congo we meet a pretty cannibal Queen
We are posing for pictures in the LIFE magazine

This topical song attempts to satirize writer Ernest Hemingway’s recent brush with death at the time. At the start of 1954, Hemingway crashed his plane twice in two days during an African safari. He had been feared dead and some premature obituaries were published. 

I got a bunch of bananas and a bottle of gin
They keep the hunger out and the happiness in
I got a bunch of bananas and a bottle of gin
My luck she is running very goo

“My luck, she is running very good.” Hemingway is quoted as having said when he finally emerged out of the jungle. He was carrying a bunch of bananas and a bottle of gin” according to the New York Times report . There were no reports of him meeting any actual cannibals, of the royal persuasion or otherwise. 

Hemingway himself made the cover of Life Magazine three times:  in 1952,1960 and 1961. The July 14, 1961 edition would be the one that would feature his true obituary. 

https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/books/99/07/04/specials/hemingway-jungle.html

Artist: Allen Sherman

Year: 1966

Lyrical relic: S & H Green Stamps

Thrill me with your green stamps
I love your little green stamps
I took collecting green stamps
I love the way they look

Although you likely own a few rewards/points cards or apps, you probably don’t give them much thought, because frankly they’re not all that exciting. Definitely not thrilling enough to inspire a song. But before the modern loyalty card, there were stamps. Stamps that were designed to gain a shopper’s loyalty and get them buying more, more, more.

S&H Green Stamps were a crazy popular line of trading stamps. They were distributed as part of a rewards program operated by the Sperry & Hutchinson company. This company would sell their stamps to stores who would then reward their customers with the stamps. The more a customer bought, the more stamps they’d receive.

They looked like green postage stamps. And just like old-school stamps, they required saliva to stick to a special “savers book”. When you had acquired a specific amount, you could redeem them for merchandise in the S&H rewards catalogue. In 1968, one completed book could get you a pen and pencil set. With 926 books, you could score a brand new Ford Mustang! 

These stamps quite literally stuck around for a long time. They first became available in 1896 and remained popular into the 1980s. You could get them at supermarkets, department stores, and gas stations. 

The stamps had their heyday around the time that Allan recorded this song. At one point in the 60s, S&H stamp production was allegedly almost three times higher than that of the U.S. Post Office. Nearly 80 percent of American households collected Green Stamps during the 60s and 70s.

The Green Stamp program has been resuscitated and lives on today in a digital format. But forget the fun of collecting and licking stamps– you just need to tap on the app. Based on the current website, it’s a completely lackluster affair with a limited collection of lackluster redemption gifts.

Allan was a popular song parodist (a tamer, not-so-weird predecessor of Weird Al Yankovic). Green Stamps was a parody of Green Eyes, a song made famous by Helen O’Connell in 1957.

Allan’s lyrics reflect the absurdity of the Green Stamps craze. Satire aside, the song seems to foretell the rise of mass consumption and today’s consumer society in which we buy more than we actually need, often under the assumption that we can “save” if we buy in large quantities. Tell me this doesn’t sound like a trip to Costco:

I buy, though it's not urgent,
Two truckloads of detergent,
Three hundred pounds of bird seed,
Though I don't have a bird
Some extract of vanilla,
Enough to feed Godzilla

Allan also gets bonus lyrical relic points for also including a reference to a car that also went buh-bye: 

A car is what I hope for,
What I bought all that soap for
They promise me the first Studebaker
Made in 1965

Whether Allan jinxed it or not, the Studebaker Automobile Company would be defunct a year after his song was released. 

Artist: Rupert Holmes

Released: 1979

Lyrical relic: Newspaper personal ad

I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording
Of a favorite song

So while she lay there sleepin'
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read

Full lyrics

Rupert Holmes’ lament of love gone stale begins by comparing his relationship to a worn out record of a favorite song. Fortunately, in 2022, we don’t have to worry about our favorite songs getting “worn out”. We have digital technology to thank for that. But we’re not going to concern ourselves with that  particular lyrical relic right now. Instead, let’s look at philandering in the pre-digital age, when the newspaper personal ad could be your “partner in crime”(the apt title of the Holmes’s album that spawned his sole number one hit)  

He’s intrigued by a certain personal ad in the newspaper and decides to post a response to it in the paper himself. Turns out the lady he meets is his own little lady! What hilarious irony. A simple personal ad allowed him to learn new things that magically helps reignite his passion for this woman, most notably their shared love of Pina Coladas. That’s sweet, but how about the unmentioned — but glaringly obvious – shared propensity to infidelity? Perhaps if both partners are up for cheating, it cancels out any wrongdoing? In any case, I’d be hesitant to classify “Escape” as a love song.     

The printed personal ad has a long history. The first known American personal ad appeared in the Boston Globe in 1759 and became regular features of most major newspapers. However, with the rise of the Internet came the decline of the printed newspaper and their personal ads.

It’s highly unlikely Rupert’s scenario could have played out today. The world of online dating is highly fickle and a profile without a photo is generally unacceptable (i.e. surprises are unwelcomed). Match.com was one of the first dating sites created, launching in 1995. A decade later, many free dating sites started to appear, and now dating apps offer even more ease and convenience — just swipe away until you find a mug shot that appeals to you. Today, Rupert would have had a choice of dating sites, including ones catering to those seeking extramarital affairs.

To claim this song marked the end of an era would be quite accurate. The 1970s ended with this song charting at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 on  December 22, 1979.  I’m sure Rupert was raising a glass of Pina Colada to that.