Artist: Rupert Holmes
Released: 1979
Lyrical relic: Answering Machine
A little while ago I went and placed a call To tell this girl I know that she could have it all The wedding, the ring, the whole darn thing, I was willing to tie the knot So I called her up, and this is the answer I got: "I'm so sorry you have just reached my answering machine, I'm not in at present, I'm sure you know the whole routine. Leave your name and number, and I'll try to get back to you; You have 30 seconds to talk to me before you're through."
Rupert Holmes is best known as a one-hit-wonder for his song “Escape (The Pina Colada Song),” profiled on this site for its lyrical relic, the newspaper personal ad. In Answering Machine, Rupert has gifted us with yet another relic, the titular answering machine.
There was a time before our smartphones were glued to our sides . This was a time when it was quite plausible that you couldn’t get to your phone to answer your call. For example, when you left your house it was not technically possible to take your phone with you…because it was attached to the wall. The landline tethered our telecommunications in a way that you may or may not interpret as liberating.
Similarly, the answering machine is a physical device that is attached to your landline phone. It’s a machine that “answers” calls if you didn’t pick up the phone after a predetermined number of rings. When the machine was activated, it played either a generic greeting or a message that you customized. Then there was a beep indicating that it was time for your caller to record their message back to you. In reality it was more shrill and jarring than the inoffensive beep you’ll hear in this song!
The answering machine was our first foray into call screening. There needn’t be any more surprises when picking up the phone. We could let the machine take the call and listen to who was leaving the message, before deciding whether or not to be “indispensable” for the moment.
But in reality, the answering machine was ushering in the new era of being accessible at all times. It was just a stand-in for a real person…if you can’t talk to me, you can talk to my machine.
The answering was the physical manifestation of voicemail. I remember the slight thrill of seeing the red light flashing on my answering machine that signalled that I had a message. Flash forward to today, when you’re more likely to cringe when you see a voicemail notification. On average, Americans check their phones 344 times per day (or once every 4 minutes!), but it’s not voicemail that they’re hoping to see! Checking voicemail is considered more or less a chore and replying to one even more so.
Not surprisingly, another recent survey confirms that we’d rather communicate via text or instant messaging (41%) than a phone call (24%). For millennials, the number is even higher, with 53% preferring messaging over calling. As such, it’s not uncommon to hear a voicemail greeting that tells you “I don’t check voicemail regularly so don’t leave a message- please text or email”. Translated into clear language, the message is: I don’t want to talk to you.
The answering machine dates back to 1935. Its evolution has passed through several iterations of of recording technology including vinyl record, reel-to-reel tape, cassette tape and magnetic
People tended to have a lot more fun with their outgoing message in the past. Maybe because it was still considered a novelty. Have a listen at some of the more amusing messages of yesteryear at noveltyansweringmachine.com
Cherubino, CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Wasted Time R, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
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